“What advantages does this war have over, say, an ethnic cleansing, which I could also afford?”

I bet you call your kid a “pussy,” don’t you?

I bet you call your kid a “pussy,” don’t you?

4. Has Ben Affleck ever met an autistic person?

Hamilton envies people who can afford $2m worth of jewelry, and he ascribes independent moral significance to his emotions.

This is why we watch sports. These moments of pure joy summoned from the almost impossible artistry being conducted on the field. In moments like this, we can forget the drudgery of being an international super model, we can ignore the pulsing anxiety node in our brain that says hey you have to email the crown prince…

Either that, or I’m a cytopathologist who recognizes that cutting funding to Planned Parenthood has consequences beyond fewer abortions.

“to help launch our brand into the market...”

Craziest stat line from the night:

Just remember, A-rod never tested positive for anything after his apparent 2003 test either, so apparently there is indeed a very foolproof way to beat the testing.

I just looked over the Deadspin front page and it doesn’t look like they cover football any more. Sorry.

i just tested positive for isthatol.

Authorities recovered a list made by the caller entitled Ways To Make Money:

I’m not watching the game. I saw a clip of the game with no indication of a cheap shot. Perhaps they should include the part that makes it cheap so others aren’t similarly confused.

The day Deadspin doesn’t run tabloid shit is the day we all quit and get jobs as brand consultants or baristas or whatever.

This makes me miss Tuesday Night Fights

FAIR IS FAIR. The horse that danced the prettiest should get a medal and the person that sat on them should get a coupon to subway or something.

Strong argument. Now pardon me, my horse burger is getting cold.

Once golf starts using trained birds to drop the balls into the hole, then you can start comparing it to dressage.

+1 eye of the pyramid

Wait a minute...Trent Dilfer being bad at his job and things still working out because everyone else on the team is good at theirs? Now I’ve heard everything.