OH MY GOD YOU GUYS

I was vegetarian for about a year and it ended up a lot like cigarettes.

I only eat meat when I’m drunk. Only when it’s offered. Only on weekends. Well, if you’re having the burger I might as well too. Hey, can I bum a chicken wing? I swear, I’m a social carnivore.

Now I eat meat occasionally but only smoke when I’m…

No one wants your fly over leaves.

I once responded to a post on Kinja while hiking in the woods. I may have a problem.

When the Tragedy You’re Covering is Your Own

I NEVER THOUGHT PAYING IT FORWARD PIZZA WOULD MAKE ME CRY SAD TEARS BUT HERE I AM, CRYING. OVER PIZZA GENEROSITY, THE KINDEST GENEROSITY OF ALL.

I will see what I can do. I have so much fun writing these.