Think how happy this would make your family if it was your suicide note.

I just gave you cancer. Won't show up for a little bit, but it is really going to suck.

I wish your mother could have seen what you would turn out to be when she was pregnant as, in this scenario, I have traveled back in time and patented clothes hangers.

Murder everyone you know, they are racist imbeciles.

So they’ve had less playoff appearances than one team in their division, and less World Series appearances than another. Considering that the average MLB team has had more than four playoff appearances in the last fifteen years and that the Angels have featured one of the more expensive rosters in the league during…

No one has ever voluntarily entered a conversation with you, witless fuck. How do you have so much time to farm for attention?

Another pedantic fuck flew close to the sun and tried to correct something that was already correct.

Terrorist acts are a bit of a misnomer (and their name in the California statutes has been changed to ‘criminal threats’ due to the confusion), because they aren’t attached to what we think of as terrorism and are fairly commonly applied in situations like this.

Yeah, it isn’t like this happened yesterday. No racism in Israel at all!

Yeah, no one could ever possibly take offense if you are just kidding around! Why should you ever have to apologise for anything?

Communism is not a state form or political system. The most public expression of marxian communist tenets was the Soviet and Chinese states, but they are not synonymous with the ideology and theories of communism unless you are fairly ignorant.

Don't act like your social anxiety is an external problem requiring a lifehack.

So you got annoyed because someone talked during ads? And they’re the villains of your piece? I'm going to sit behind you in a theatre talking on a cellphone for every single movie you see in a theatre for the rest of your life.

Please look up the relative levels of fundamentalists by state. The results may shock you!

You are dull human shit with generations of your ancestors passing down shit ideas that you will never escape. Rip off your skin and claim your colour blindness.

I like the glib self-consciousness at the end - oh yes, I am absolutely mansplaining the fuck out of this but it is okay if I vaguely demonstrate self-awareness. You are fucking gross, become a devoted roadkill cosplayer and go play on a highway.

Could you imagine how you would react if someone said that to you in real life?

If you're not murdering millionaires, you're not paying attention.

If you ever get called for a jury pool, make sure to list that you are a bag of skin filled to over-flowing with shit.

I 100% believe that you are literate enough in the multitude of different artistic movements and styles that populate contemporary art to make sweeping judgements about it. In no way do you seem like a reactionary shit bag feverishly defending your own limited knowledge by excluding the vast body that you are largely…