What this lady doesn’t realize is the cats’ eyes are following her so intently because they are waiting for an opportunity to attack and devour her.

Patrica - you will not win. As one journalist to another, let me tell you what our job description consists of: “Being told all day long by by non-journalists how we are doing our jobs wrong.”

Actually, this was exactly like my commute every morning in D.C.

In college I cooked in an Italian restaurant (a very bad one, I might add). The Lasagna was among the least offensive things we served - bordering on good, actually - but it happened to take 15 minutes to cook since it was prepped in the morning and refrigerated throughout the day. I cannot count the number of times…

OK, I know I am totally becoming One of Those People, but this is NOT the Stars and Bars. The “Stars and Bars” was the national flag of the Confederacy. It looked like this:

I had a boss at one deli-type place who used to arrive every morning with a 7-11 SuperBigGulp of soda. He’d finish the soda and start filling his cup from the beer tap, sucking it through a straw throughout the day. He liked to hit on women, telling them he “built nuclear subs,” because, you know, “Nuclear Sub” was…

Are there any photographs of this woman where she does not wear an expression of unspeakable love and devotion? When you’ve lived with the same person for decades, even in a happy, satisfying, monogamous way, this is an extremely unnatural state to be in while in their presence, at least a for the most part.

Yes, Trax. I miss that place. The kind of place where you could see Molly Hatchet and Robyn Hitchcock in the same year.

When I went to cover the CD release party for the Dave Matthews Band, for their breakthrough album in their home town of Charlottesville, Dave just glared at me and grunted and refused to answer any questions. His manager, seeing I was speaking to him, swooped in, grabbed Dave, and hauled him away from me, so I had…

Causes of Dadbod:

That was a very upsetting story. We stumbled on it and were hooked immediately. She seems completely delusional and the husband seemed about as ill at ease as any person I have ever seen interviewed for one of these kinds of shows. His comments suggested he is tepid about his relationship and feels trapped. It was a…

The Tumblr prank this year is pretty funny - they have introduced "Coppy the Copier" based on the hated Clippy from Windows. I find it hilarious, but my Tumblr-using son hates it. Which makes it even more hilarious, because that's exactly how I felt about Clippy.

I had a friend in high school who was always late for everything. His stock excuse? "I had to go to Springfield Mall." The best part was he always said it as if it were the most self-evident fact of life and he could barely believe that we would dare question his need to be at Springfield Mall rather than doing…

This is exactly the way I like to exercise my power as a boss. I like to go up to my subordinates unexpectedly and use a pointer and extravagant gestures while I lecture them in great detail about what it is they are doing. I like to issue arbitrary deadlines and change their priorities mid-project.

I like nekkid women as much as the next guy (or in in this case, as much as the next mob of 60 thoroughly modern feminist lesbians), but I read this wishing I could have chimed in to warn them that strip clubs are soul-crushing pits of existential despair that cannot be redeemed even by the sight of bare breasts. And…

Really, the only perfect answer to this question is "Myself."

I have decent feeling in the area of my middle finger injury, though I have a dead patch on the tip of my left index finger from an unrelated knife incident. You'd think I'd learn to quit cooking, but no...

Yes, that was just it - there was a little flap of skin left holding on and that seems to be the key to letting it heal back in place. Thank god I didn't just cut the flap the rest of the way off to get it out of the way (which would have been a very ME thing to do back then) or I'd have a very oddly shaped fingertip.

I never attempted to cut off my tail to find out. Fortunately.

Hey, I partially cut off the tip of my finger with a meat slicer during morning prep, but since there was nobody else to work the sandwich line, I wrapped it in gauze and paper towels, covered it in masking tape and went back to work. Amazingly, it grew back on (I am not making this up) and to this day, 30 years…