This just makes me sad.

29) Question: Why the fuck do you keep putting "quotation" marks around "words" when they are not in fact "Quotes?"

Does including a '72 Charger really help in recruiting the younger generation?

In high school I never game much thought to Bill Simmons. My friends and I just assumed he was some kid we didn't know. After I graduated from college, I continued not to think much about him because, after all, I had never heard of the dude. But that all changed today, when I read a portion of an essay which was…

Damn. When you start throwing grenades, we know you MEAN it.

Blowing kisses to the hot chicks in section 304.

"made of Fat and Wet Wipes." Somewhere in that phrase lies a really outstanding punchline, but it hasn't come to me yet.

The more I hear about this wedding, the happier I am that I was not invited.

The Chevy company found a way to make the Citation hatchback exciting - slap a nice luxury interior in there, change the name, and, most importantly, put an engine under the hood that breaks down constantly and has such unusual parts that it is expensive and nearly impossible to repair in a timely manner. Such was my…

My grandmother drank Schaefer, but mostly because it only cost $1 per sixpack at the Bi-Lo grocery store. No other reason.

As an old war philosopher once said, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you want.

I thought the same, until I got hungry and ate at a Huddle House. And I realized that no matter how much Waffle House may FEEL like hitting bottom, there is still farther to fall.

Your sense of irony is showing some promise.

Fancy is relative. In this case, relative to Huddle House.

You are unjustly leaving out Huddle House, which is the low-rent competitor of Waffle House (fancy people in the South go to Waffle House; poor people, cretins and methheads go to Huddle House for their undercooked fried eggs and greasy, floppy bacon).

My flow chart for my most recent vehicle purchase looked like this:

Oh, come on - you just know that every struck-out batter in history was thinking EXACTLY this.

You should not, ever, just quit showing up with a major project due within a week of the scheduled end of your internship. Seriously - this is a very bad way to proceed. I know. Someone actually did this to my company once. He didn't get a whole bunch of recommendations outta that one.

This was an excellent and affecting story, but I must say I stand in awe of the following sentence, which by itself makes the entire super-long piece worth the read:

I know the German military vehicles were made by Volkwagen, but were they the same engine design as the Bug?