It’s not a purse. It’s called a satchel!

Eat Mor Anis.

“It’s Chik-Fil-A, not Dik-Fil-An-A.”

I feel like I just read an article from the Onion.

They’re counting all the times he was brought on as a pinch runner as well.

He’s the rare pitcher who really just works the middle of the plate.

“None of these approaches resonated with the Samueli’s vision for a classic but sophisticated update with a color scheme that showed competitive toughness and a tie to Orange County

I am absolutely picking the Destroyer captain, becoming best friends with the ship’s doctor because he’s the only one allowed to talk back to me, and having violin jam sessions in my boardroom after dinner. That’s the whole point in joining the navy in the first place.

a AAA card. being stuck with a flat tire in a middle of no where city in a state you’ve never been in before with screaming kids and a complaining wife really sucks.

Lenny is the best. “Ow, my eye! I’m not supposed to get pudding in it!”

If the Kia Tigers are anything like my Kia Optima, he was back there to help push.

Best episode of King of the Hill ever.

This gif is perfect. That story was perfect. It makes me gleefully happy that this happened (not necessarily that potato face was mean, but that revenge was had, even if it was silly).

Me during the popcorn story

If only comically large biceps equated to tangible skill.

The 800 was my race back when I was still young and fast. I always found the splits unimportant to my final time. A 55 second first lap meant a 63 second lap, 56 meant 62, 57-61, etc. I even ran a few negative splits (60-58). The final time wouldn't change, but HOLY SHIT did the pain change. Run negative splits…

Ah, the joy of being geographically required to be a Rockies fan. Top 10 in attendance, just above bottom 10 in salary, and almost surely headed for irrelevance by July once again.

"I trusted you."