“You will find a new normal, but it will never be as good” this resonates with me as well... Its not the same as a death, but my dad just left my mom after 30 years of marriage. He was a great dad and now he is just gone. And my mom is completely broken. I keep telling her there is happiness on every path, but I…

And the POCKET on the white shirt. And then the thin material so that I’m sure in person reveals his undershirt or lack thereof.

It’s the aggregation of small details: the ironic 70s porn cues: the short sleeves, the facial hair, the revealing crotch lines, the cowlicked hair, the very stupid glasses, the much more stupid expression and pose — the whole styling is the problem, not the white shirt and pants in themselves. If you like this look,…

Your critique of someone’s expression of grief has been noted!

A white shirt tucked into some stripey pants?

When my dad got sick and after he died, I really finally understood this. I was never the type to offer stupid platitudes, but my experience really reinforced the idea. The worst things you can say to someone grieving is shit like, “God never gives us more than we can handle.” Or “everything happens for a reason.”…

This was the part that started the waterworks for me. “I have gained a more profound understanding of what it is to be a mother, both through the depth of the agony I feel when my children scream and cry and from the connection my mother has to my pain. She has tried to fill the empty space in my bed, holding me each…

Here’s the thing. Most people mean well. They really do. They just don’t know what the fuck to say or what the fuck to do. So we make casseroles.

I really learned something new with that one.

I know, I totally held it together until Option B. Heartbreaking.

“When people say to me, “You and your children will find happiness again,” my heart tells me, Yes, I believe that, but I know I will never feel pure joy again. Those who have said, “You will find a new normal, but it will never be as good” comfort me more because they know and speak the truth.”

I will remember to use “how are you today?” after reading this.

Sometimes I am not an idiot.

“I was skeptical, too. I hate new ideas, especially if they are popular. “

What is the lesson to the student, and to others that might come forward?

You may not like what Kipnis wrote. You may have felt it to be in bad taste, problematic, or outright victim blaming, but it is absolutely her right to publish. Kipnis or any one should be allowed to publish their views on public information no matter how odious or offensive. I am the personal view that Kipnis…

That helps me understand why the grad students could have viewed her essay as “retaliation.” They weren’t upset with her argument; they were upset that she was reporting on the case.

potentially gross, but still not something that should be punished via the legal process.

That essay sounded convincing at first blush, but thinking about it more, I still don’t think Kipnis’s right to free speech should be limited in this way. In the non-academia world people publish things critical or dismissive of victims of crime all the time with absolutely no risk of punishment; I can’t think of a…

That’s absurd. This professor was not in a position of power over this student, she could not do anything to her career. All she did was opine on the power dynamics of professor student relationships, and used a situation known to her as an example. Publishing an essay does not implicate Title IX at all. I’ll take it…