Donald trump is the third mystery of Fatima

Hey, yourself

muslims can’t buy guns? Someone call the NRA these fella don’t understand the second amendment

Respect

I’ve got enough money but at this point a lost weekend necessarily involves immediate real world consequences. Whatever you do never get a parole officer. Trust me on this one

I was/am an introverted bookworm too. That's why I needed all the vodka and blow

Yeah but she is good looking and I'm not so I can't feel sorry for her as another human being. Welcome to the Internet

Kids these days, am I right? How are you going to learn about LIFE and meet PEOPLE if you spend all day on your phone talking to people you like instead of in a CLUB full of strangers doing lines of blow and drinking gallons of vodka until you have enough self-esteem to ask someone to dance? Bring back the days when I…

I dig it.

I didn't even know there was a nebbish humor void to be filled

Oh yeah. I totally used it to pay down student loans and get out of the gutter temporarily, but I also didn’t realize that I was still on the hook for state taxes. The bastards came for me four years later with a vengeance

I play the harmonica. So I'm like your grandad but poorer

If it’s on TV I’m watching

Have we met? My name is Sdz, I'm a clumsy 32 year old man; and I love steamboats

I just want my love life to be like the story told in this song’s intro:

This. When I went to Afghanistan as a civilian contractor and saw my salary offer for the first time, I immediately and reflexively asked for less money. The woman hiring me goes, “uh we don’t send people to Afghanistan for less money than that”. So yeah, I'm 32 and still feel uncomfortable making more than minimum…

See this is good practical advice. I think my problem is that I grew up with music from Ma$e to Time McGraw where love songs were all about sacrificing your happiness so that the person you love could be with the person that they deserve. And hearing all these songs when my face was still covered in acne meant anyone…

That’s cool, it's 2015z I’m mostly in it for the television pajama parties anyway

Well, well, well, looks like I've just found my goddess