And Iceland has fewer shootings than Dick Cheney.

Maybe he thinks all the negative stories will propel him to get him elected President of the United States.

We came up with this ridiculous plan to get this rat out of our house and IT ACTUALLY WORKED!!!! BYE BITCH

Russia +1

If they did bite, Barcelona may collectively sign them as a forward.

Could use a, “Is this player prone to get hurt? Yes? Welcome to San Jose!”

Oh, they’ve started hacking beloved athletes?

Buy low. Sell high. GTFO.

Tom Brady Stakes Claim as Fanciest Dog.

Nope, though that gives me an opportunity to say Tesla is Sacramento’s Def Leppard.

And like a tortoise, it seems like he’s going to live to 130.

They should call themselves Sacramento Wednesday.

In DeVos’ world, there’s no way you’re going 0 for 30. By the time you shot 0 for 9, that bear has already eaten you.

Joan Rivers said it best, “If Rose was ten pounds lighter...”

I believe the appropriate word you’re seeking is ‘clusterfuck’

Like Blatter missing the Women’s World Cup Final...well, minus the indictment.

Huma refused to wear sleeves in cold, rainy weather. That’s a tough lineman move.

I got your historical pull. Good job ;) #pneumonia #32days

And when she takes it off, she’ll be grabbing by the pussy too.

Plant, right? Had to be a plant.