how many congressmen are deadspin commenters?

This guy looks like witness #1 in The First 48. Always an accomplice at least.

This all started when his ex told him he peaked in high school.

this is a poop joke, right?

although he hasn’t played a down for the team yet, as he’s torn an Achilles tendon two offseasons running.

What is the best of type exercise I can do that will keep me feeling youthful as long as possible without delaying a merciful death? I’m so fucking conflicted these days.