Because the doctor said that Coke Zero was bad for you.

Note: this Simpsons reference died on the way back to The AV Club.

You're a baby. You should be drinking apple juice!

But Ice, Ice Coke was pretty good.

I'm willing to settle this matter outside.

Vanilla Coke is also one of the stranger Tom Cruise films.

Vanilla Coke is best Coke.

Points!

Aren't you busy tweeting about how dwarfs can no longer serve in your army in any rank?

SPOILER ALERT: he's electrocuted by Caesar. It's pretty fucking sweet.

I guess another thing is I don't want for this to become something too many people are talking about. The draft might be an issue Trump tries to make front and center somewhere down the road during his presidency, which would be bad news for a whole lot of people. And his base wouldn't care about his history on the…

You know, there are many, many things we can complain about regarding Mr. Trump without getting into him being a "draft dodger."

That really sucks. I'm wishing I had seen Spider-Man instead and waited on Dunkirk until it opens in RPX this Friday. But it's a stupid thing for them to do regardless if that's the case.

Dunkirk thread:

Er, he said he wouldn't vote for the bill as it stands now. It was a blow against it, not for it.

I got a little sick in my stomach when I heard the announcement this morning, but I have a feeling this is Trump being Trump. I don't think he cares about the trans community one way or another, and is using them as a political tool to shift the conversation to something other than Russia.

Toilet Thread: So…lots of toilet "adventures" involving recent hospital visit, but some of them are on the nasty side. For the first night, I filled up four or five pee bottles, since I was essentially strapped to my bed. Also, my hospital room door was open the entire evening, so I didn't exactly have much privacy.

I kinda love how Fox News saw Frozen—which had the nerve to have two strong heroines—as being a sign of the "end of masculinity" in animated movies, and that films like How to Train Your Dragon 2 were terrible for boys because they promoted unmanly themes. Also, somehow mass shootings were brought into the discussion.

#GiveElsaAGirlfriend

Hang on, is Rick Ross the new Rick Roll?