Funny restaurant story time:

I think this gif captures your sentiment

“No” the lead man of the group said “We will pray.” Then the four of them stood there, NOT CALLING 911 and NOT HELPING IN ANY WAY other than to pray. ALL FOUR OF THEM.

counterpoint:

Is there a service like this for Americans wanting to leave America? Asking for a friend....

See what happens when the Supreme court allows Lebanese marriages? Destroying marriages, just like they said!

I accidentally killed my favorite plant this way

Man there are pros and cons. I’ve dated quite a few coworkers. Sometimes that doesn’t go over well at all. I’ve befriended coworkers who I haven’t worked with for a decade now and am still friends with. I work in an office, hecka girls, hecka drama. I fly under the radar. None of them get my gross humor, or my pop…

Somehow I got logged out and my burner key isn’t working. (it’s either a ghost in their system or I have it wrong. There’s a leeetle bit of an issue with the letters n,h,g and q. That is why I should have paid attention in penmanship class) So until I figure it out, he I am and here I be. Not sure if I have the energy…

Obviously fake. If it was real cat hair, her body would have shut it down before it became a hairball.

I’m sure Cupcake spends all week just waiting for Thursday. (FTR, I didn’t even teach Maybe to “Shake Paws” because I thought it was an indignity ;) )

“I lugged this archaic camera all the way out here and didn’t have one Kodiak moment!”

okay but that officer is hot tho right

As a southern lady who watches a fair amount of skin flicks, I would assume a goodly number of the southern porn viewing literally comes down to “I am horny, but with the heat and humidity I would rather roll naked in the fire ant patch outside than touch another human. God so sweaty! I’ll just take care of this real…

The emergency room’s personnel stared down at the young girl’s body. Something about her aura had changed. The EKG’s steady pulse gained the ineffable quality of a dirge. The lonely drumbeat of a vacant mind; an imprisoned body. A defeated Dr. Spears gripped into her surgical mask and slowly dragged it from her face.…

That raccoon grew up to be....Ariana Grande.

Fraser, who would not know fun if it peed on her head

So you’re saying they’re literally basic bitches?

some time in the mid-90s I fell out of my bunk bed and hit my head. My parents took me to the ER, and the doctors asked me various questions to determine my mental status. One of them was “Who’s in charge at the White House?” I deadpanned “Hillary” and had the whole ER laughing. I was seven or eight.