They really did. The "famous because of leaked sex tape" thing had already existed, and Kim Kardashian's fucking mother, of all people, released Kim's own sex tape. They're really, really icky people.

I just picture the sun dimming upon the rocket's impact, until it implodes upon itself like the house in Poltergeist.

It means she gets lip results, you stupid Alger!

I always knew I was a nerd, but taking as long as I did to get a basic-ass drug joke really solidified it.

My Black Eyed Peas album says "yes!"

I'm a sucker for those stupid "make your own Coke" machines where I can make myself a Diet, caffeine-free Coke with lime.

I'm drinking a Coke Zero right now!

As a straight guy who's not homophobic, I have zero fear of being converted… on account of I'm not gay. Basically, all that would happen is some guy would hit on me and I'd politely say, "No, thanks." You know, kind of like what a woman has to do every single time she goes out.

You forgot about all the rapid-cutting! Each sentence needs at least three edits!

BAH!!!

I've been having trouble sleeping, but I went to the gym last night for the first time in a couple weeks, and holy shit did I sleep like a baby last night! Also, because it'd been a while since I've been to the gym, I was surprised by how well I was still able to run. I'm still slow as fuck, but I did pretty okay!

Yesterday I spent all day at work, then went to the gym, then the store, then had to COOK dinner, shower… so you know what, screenplay? Go fuck yourself! I'll get to you!

I imagine this is what it looks like when he kisses babies:

I've been having a really hard time getting to the second draft of my screenplay. I just still feel burnt out and exhausted from having finished my book. I did SOME writing on Monday, and now I feel stupidly guilty for not doing shit yesterday.

What happens in 2018 is breathtaking!

The GOP keeps saying that they're not discriminating against the LGBT community, but then they keep discriminating against the LGBT community. It's like saying, "I'm not stealing cookies!" with a fucking mouthful of cookies!

They can't. It's just as much legal bigotry that they could get, so they went for it.

He meant "silent but deadly."

Remember, everyone: Make sure to register to vote and actually get out there to vote next year or we're all fucked!

Passing laws regulating where transpeople can piss and shit and then disallowing them from serving in the military is, somehow, according to assholes, not discrimination. Am I living in a fucking cuckoo clock, or what?