Regulators later found that Volkswagen’s implementation of Apple CarPlay was in reality a sticker adheared to an old, broken mirror.

I, for one, would much rather see the homeless die of exposure (especially children) than a charity take his “gross” money.

She should get together with my mom. She demands constant attention.

Nah. That cat is like “Fuck you. This is my tree.”

I’m wondering if she could argue that it is transformative. From Stanford:

Everyone knows excess cats are stored in duffle bags.

When I worked at Burger King in high school, I ran into my 40 hours one week and had to clock out. They wanted me to work another 8 hour shift and get the hours placed on the following week’s time sheet at standard rates. They were pissed when I refused.

At least the wedding music was apropos:

Can you imagine a world where people think it’s okay to earn money? The horror!

All rooms should be kept at 65F.

Is he going to explain to the President why Beyoncé should be first lady instead of Michelle?

It’s Rick’s cousin.

In the event someone forgets the chips and salsa.

Oh, Kermmie...

I responded to an ad once that wanted an “emergency cinematagrapher.” Apparently, their guy walked off the set. I wasn’t busy that day, so I thought I would give it a shot. I called and they wanted to see my work, etc., as per usual. They decided to hire me and asked for rates. I knew it was a low-budget shoot, so I…

Can you assholes shut up? I’m trying to play Candy Crush.

Please don’t mock the author’s anti-sodomy/pro-temperance belief system. Somebody has to think of the children . . .

The night was sultry!

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