First you complain that I don’t have a good relationship with you mother. Then you complain that I do. What the hell do you want from me?

Once you reach a certain age, pitching a tent gets harder and harder.

I identify with this greatly. I can’t wait until Trump fucks with my other pleasant distractions. Oh, look, here he is. Invited to a dinner party with the Real Housewives. Sitting at the table, eating a steak with ketchup before he grabs the shouting woman’s tit. Turning to the camera smiling, his tiny little thumb up…

It’s the Emperor’s New Wall! So all we have to do is start telling him how great his invisible wall is and he will fuck off about it.

That’s nothing. I’m selling Bio Energized Water that has been passed through the urinary tract of an Ecuadorian virgin.

“Valuable tool” my ass! It’s a fundraising tactic 99% of the time and that’s it.

No.

The first time I heard this song, I sincerely thought she was deaf.

If you watch that speech as an American, you had to be thinking ‘what in the world is going on?

Yes, that is the answer. But I don’t see why the question of “What was this woman doing on their wedding night?” has any relevance here.

Fucking moron.

There’s no way they weren’t making a delivery to some senior care food contractor.

They make it really easy to spot d-bags.

They make it really easy to spot d-bags.

Why don’t they just land at night?

Even when American runners didn’t end up on the podium in international meets, I always took pride in the nasal bone strength they displayed during competition. Now, I realize that was all a lie. I don’t know what to believe in anymore.

Tim Allen has/had a TV show in 2017?? Sounds like FAKE NEWS to me.

If you own one of these machines, or invested money in it, your right to vote should be taken away because you are fucking idiot.

each and every one of them is a cry for help.

Today’s Trumpian cognitive dissonance: