I always thought Kadyrov was kind of a douche. This seals it.

The National Fraternal Order of Police just called to say, “Shut your filthy mouth, boy.” 90% of patrol work could be done by drone, according to a number I just pulled out of my butt.

Why did this make me want to watch “Airplane!” again?

This is about as stupid as the Transsyberian Orchestra.

YO DAWG, I HEARD YOU LIKE COFFEE IN YOUR BEETLE SO I PUT BEETLES IN YOUR COFFEE!

I think the media is generally embarrassed to put quotes from Trump in their headlines for fear of looking like they are as stupid as he is.

Besides the fact that it came from The Orange Turd’s mouth, this story was an obvious fabrication from the beginning. If I’m on a chopper that’s going down, I’m not going to start telling the other passengers that I dislike one particular person; I’m going to be confessing all that crazy shit I did in High School and…

I’m waiting for Sig Sauer or Smith & Wesson to throw out an instagram video with a nonbinary influencer.

“Viral TicTok Hack” = something incredibly stupid but, y’know, clicks.

I have a simple rule for ascertaining how late my wife will be: I I multiply by three. If she says she’ll be ready in a half hour, I know she’ll be ready in 90 minutes.

Same for electric cars. I have (older) coworkers who passively think that Tesla is the ONLY electric car. “Who has $100k for an electric car??”

Apparently, Musk just watched the first half of “I, Robot”. He liked the whole subjugating humanity part, but didn’t see the end.

These should come with a kit to quick-swap the rear wheel with a track and the front wheels with skis, so it can be converted BACK INTO a snowmobile. Because that’s what it is.

GO WOKE GO BROKE!!

Donnie will have an official White House golf course built.

First weeks of a second trump presidency (just guessing):

No worries, humanity will be done in soon. We’re a parasite, and we are terribly close to exhausting our host.

J-Dogg is already trying to out-crazy T-Rump.

From my “Adventures of a Private” series:

When I worked a a Sam’s Club in Central Texas they would turn the loading dock into a party space for our annual holiday party. It was the saddest thing ever, attending a party where I had unloaded thousands of pallets of crappy chinese products. Suit & tie required for a bunch of minimum wage folks... yeah. And, per…