And when you get your wits about you to wear one, please go full face. See that 19.4%? That’s the part of your noggin that is most likely to impact the ground.

How dare you. That’s offensive to seals.

I went on a fishing expedition when I was looking for a Jeep SRT. I located 3 of them at 3 different dealerships within 100 miles. 1 was currently being driven by the dealership’s owner, so I guess that means it’s a used car. The next dealership wanted sticker and quoted me an insulting value for my trade-in, and…

I have a proposal for Land Rover: Add a factory option to have the vehicle delivered with the trunk stocked with beef from the cow that is now the interior.

I really wanted to watch the whole thing, but autotune is like having a syphillitic jaguar piss in my ear.

I was on my way through Dubai where, during the scenic bus ride across the tarmac from Lufthansa to Saudia, I saw a Lamborghini Diablo, a McLaren, and Porsche GT3 all palletized and waiting for their flight.

Gwee-Gwee? Gee-Gee? Gooey-Gooey? Guy-guy?

I’ll be “that” guy:

Y’know, you can always move...

SWARM THE YELP PAGE!!!

Engineering & maintenance are no match for prayers & magic.

“Never trust a man who keeps pigs.”

Thinking I could install a 2-inch lift kit on my New England rusted 2002 Xterra. I broke more parts than the kit contained.

I love you for using an illustration from a Richard Scary book. Takes me back.

1. Strap box fans to a shopping cart

I can’t wait to see what Mahk has to say about this real person.

<checks Netflix>

Nice try. I ride solo.

Cyclist here: If it’s not the coal rollers, it’s the guy with the batshit loud exhaust (v-twin or tuner fartcan or straight-piped stang or whatever) who punches it as he passes you to let you know how awesome he is. Fags.

My mom was headed to a schoolboard meeting and asked if I wanted her to pick me up some McD’s for dinner. Well, shit yes I would! Big Mac, please. She said, “just one?” Being a wiseass, I said, “I’ll take four.” She said, “I’m buying you four and you’re going to eat all of them.” and walked out the door.