One is for Ramming, one is for Dodging.

The uncredited Doctor and Nurse are from the Twilight Zone episode “Eye of the Beholder”

I was there yesterday in my Samurai Vader costume! I didnt’t see you Evan but I wish I did. And I missed the samurai storm trooper! Damn.

I picture him walking in to foil a bank robbery and leaving with the robbers staring at their palms and asking the arriving police for doritos.

He got all huffy.

I assumed that was a silencer so the other fish wouldn’t hear him coming and he could keep his killstreak up.

“I am Alpha 5, and I like to party.”

As someone who actually likes metal, it still sucks.

Raph, you are breaking my heart. My achy, breaky heart.

I get the feeling that Rocket and Frank would get along like a house on fire and the criminals are on fire because both Rocket and Frank set the house and criminals on fire.

it would be incorrect to say that i judge all women by the unattainable standard set by ramona.

“And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.”

Jet fuel can’t melt bed springs.

Every season at Cactus League spring training, I heckle George Brett when I see his old ass at Royals games, and I promise I have a good reason. When I was about 15 or so, I remember standing with a group of about 6 other children, all between the ages 5-15, asking for George Brett’s autograph as he walked by (George…

“Come on, Pham, give us a ball!”
“Phuck off.”

The Avatar Supremacy (2018)

I mean, as Jewel said: “As a feminist, I can’t support everything that’s being said tonight, but as somebody who hates Ann Coulter, I’m delighted.”

I haven’t seen backpedaling that awkward since my dad realized mid-rant that he was talking about immigration policy to a guy whose last name was Ramirez.