Pool events were over, finished Saturday with Lochte’s relay gold. Celebration hijinx are plausible... (blow, sex worker rumor, etc). Sketchy part of town? “meh, we’re 4 Olympic athletes in a taxi, we’ll be fine”

It’s like: Bruh, your nouveau riche is showing, jyeah it is.

Yo, when I first heard the story, I immediately assumed he was tryna pickup a sex worker. Like, immediately. Drugs is too easy to test for when you’re an Olympic athlete, so I didn’t go there.

Don’t they know that the affluent have a time-honored process for acquiring these types of goodies?

OMG the no black people thing. I remember when Giselle Budchen said in an interview that Brazil didn’t have the race problems the United States does. I was like “HAHAHAHAHA GIRL WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.”

What was he wearing? Did he NOT say no when asked if he could be robbed? His demeanor certainly did not seem like someone who was COMPLETELY innocent if you know what I mean.

“It. Has. Everything. Disappearing taxi drivers, roving games of criminals, and that thing where someone points a gun at you and demands your wallet and no one believes you.”

According to Lochte’s account given to Billy Bush, they were mugged while the taxi driver stopped for gas. To me that means the driver was in on it (and Lochte and co are not great at sensing a trap).

Jeah probably.

For real, most stories of tourists being robbed at gunpoint in Rio involve people trying to buy drugs and/or hiring hookers.

Lochte and co. are rumored to have been in an area where they were not supposed to be, so I can believe this. They could also have been looking for strip clubs or prostitutes. It sucks that they were robbed, but it was odd that Lochte at first denied that it even took place and even odder that Rio police want to…

“And then the guy pulled out his gun, he cocked it, put it to my forehead and he said, ‘Get down’ and I put my hands up, I was like ‘whatever.’”

Huh. I wonder what they were doing instead if they weren’t being held at gunpoint. Going to Brazil’s hottest nightclub? Tell me more Stefon:

Dear Brazil,

but Jeahh, can Labrodoodle even lie?? I thought he is back in US now.

A thousand bucks says they were robbed while trying to buy blow.

White Haired White Man tells White Lie

She should have just tweeted that it was “sarcasm.”

Between this heffa and that Beecroft nutjob and the fuckin’ stupid Yoko Ono tweets we suffer here nightly, I really must ask: Is there any more ridiculous person on earth than the successful performance artist?