Ah, this is where we part ways, I’m afraid. I hide my birthday on facebook so nobody can be reminded, and anybody I would wish a happy birthday is somebody I talk to regularly offline.

You are wonderful. I’m getting married in the next year or two and this is how I’m planning to do it. Meanwhile, I’m a bridesmaid in a close friend’s wedding —being held out of state— and the cost of participating is doubling due to the bachelorette party, which is now a weekend at a major (expensive) tourism spot,…

You’re not the weird one, you sound great. What I don’t understand is how people react to this stuff so strangely. My husband and I made it very clear that we didn’t want gifts (for all the reasons you say) but if people really wanted to spend some money, then we would be honoured if they made a donation to a charity…

You are a seriously spectacular friend.

I know that feeling. I ended up getting a dress from a designer’s “rehearsal dinner collection” as opposed to their actual “bridal collection.” It’s white and lacy and tea-length, and it was just over $300 after tax. Plus since it’s not floor-length, the only alteration I need is sewing cups into the bodice (it’s…

Send a check, of a very small amount, and include a note that you are doing so because you’re afraid they’ve not been getting their gifts and if it’s cashed, you’ll know. ;) Then stop.

Dude. I have 13 cousins on one side of my family. There have 6 weddings on this side since 2009, and one of my cousins has been a bridesmaid in ALL BUT ONE.

Conversely, my former roommate was a bridesmaid at a wedding where the bridal party was selected based on their abilities to do hair, makeup and nails.

Dude, that’s ridiculous. “A vacation for everyone.” Especially if you’re in the wedding party, that’s no vacation. Even ATTENDING weddings is stressful half the time! Lord almighty.

Thank you for mentioning making your wedding as easy for people as possible. My best friend had a destination wedding which we could afford to go, financially, but we didn’t have the fucking TIME. She said that it was a “good idea because then everybody can go on a vacation at the same time! It would be like a…

This!

See, my brother and SIL live in another state, and they don’t send a thank-you note, but they do call and let us know they got the gift and liked it. I mean, a two-minute phone call ...

I didn’t have a wedding shower, bachelor/bachelorette parties or rehearsal dinner. I let my bridesmaids pick out their own dresses, whatever they wanted, as long as they were buttercup yellow. We were poor and had a toddler and all our friends/family were poor for the most part. I don’t regret a thing.

I HATE thank you notes. HATE THEM. The fake sincerity in it to fill up the damn card. BLECH. But yeah, acknowledgment takes a text. A quick one liner saying thank you. This is not rocket science.

I love your wife and I don’t even know her (and you’re not so bad either!). I would have said hell no, too. My mother in law’s idea for the shower was a LINGERIE PARTY... with a bunch of super Catholic church ladies. I was horrified, and if I hadn’t been anti-shower to begin with, that would have done it.

Dude, I’m going just say I hate thank you cards. As for your relatives, even if they didn’t like your gift, they wouldn’t tell you that in the card. Giving the card isn’t a sign of liking/disliking something, its just fulling a part of the social contract, its just like when people give gift because they feel the…

My mother actually asked my wife if she wanted to come to my hometown so that my mother could throw a shower for her, with all my mother’s friends. In my mom’s mind, regardless of the fact that neither of us wanted to make a big deal about the wedding and wanted none of the parties that tend to accompany weddings,…

Three hundred dollars for a bridesmaids dress? I would spit tacks. My WEDDING GOWN was $800, INCLUDING alterations.

I understand completely. I wound up calling my wedding off as well. I sent back all shower gifts (with an additional thank you note). I offered to pay my bridesmaids for their dresses, but they all flatly refused. The last thing I wanted to be during the entire process was a bridezilla. My catchphrase during planning…

RIGHT?? It isn’t hard to even send a text!! My nephew just got an iPad after having this weird android phone-on-his-wrist thing—my number is programmed into his gear! The burden isn’t on him though, it is on my brother and SIL and they don’t even say thank you when I send them something! Not to mention, I’m the ONLY…

I was very conscientious of this when I was having my wedding. I paid for half of both showers, even though I wasn’t asked—and one of them nearly killed me as it was high tea at a fancy hotel—and contributed a chunk of money towards my bachelorette party, in addition to paying for the wedding itself, which was small…