Barry, we’re really reaching for sports highlights of the day here.

I’m waiting for him to be convicted, and then for him to disclose a serious illness “that he’s been battling privately for some time” to kill chances of getting jail.

I’m skeptical, but hoping he gets his day(s) behind bars (preferably the rest of his).

Thank you for giving me something I can snicker at after reading through the creepy and horrible. $kay, you’re doing the angels’ work here and on Jalopnik.

As much as I hate the Rangers, I was rooting for you to beat the Pens.

And right now all Caps fans are wondering: WHY COULDN’T HE HAVE COME BACK EARLIER?!

Broken ankles and jaws. Woof.

The law’s going to hit the school like...

Arby’s is there to guide you into the void.

Randy looks like he’s not just pleading with Curry, but also with the ball to just do something.

22: Sage Grouse- a game bird that can’t reproduce unless the grass level is a particular height.

Is this where I play the Anne Frank card?

Jackfruit: putting the laughter in manslaughter.

Once you got past the case of acute lead poisoning, sure!

Oh Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. The spurned lover crap is awful enough, but taking it out on the kid is a whole different level of jerkwaddery.

Can we now say that Suarez has added Spanish team tapas to his appetite for human flesh?

Just want to say that you found a good way to make light out of a really bad situation. Sometimes when there is so much awful news, I appreciate having someone who can be funny without being offensive. Thanks for that.

Hi, Mr. Simmons!

Samer, I almost had, but then you reminded me of that heartbreaker. Dammit.

Oh dear god no.