Oh, I can almost guarantee that these 30 students will be voting.

I don’t even know how to comment on this this sucks so bad.

It sounds like a really crappy chocolate brand that you buy on discount after Valentine’s Day, and then immediately regret eating because in all honesty it just isn’t worth the calories, even if it is the only chocolate you have in the house.

Sam Smith looks like Kung Fu Grip GI Joe in that picture.

Jenna Fischer just broke my heart.

“Alpha Omega Ward” canNOT be a real name. Amazing.

Oh yeah, nitrates. And the issues with listeria in the sandwich meats. FFS. My general rule of thumb is ‘unless it’s indicated somewhere it causes spontaneous miscarriage, and it’s something I’ve eaten many times and never gotten sick AND trust the food handling practices... nom it.’.

The whole “better safe than sorry” vein of “helpful” pregnancy advice is the bane of my 14-weeks-pregnant existence. I swear these people won’t be happy until I’m just going through life living off of kale and surrounded by bubble wrap. Fuck em, I say, and then I eat prosciutto and blackberries for breakfast.

SAMSIES!

I feel weirdly vindicated in my illogical hatred of Sam Smith. I can’t stand his songs and I find his face punchable. I know violence is extreme and I’d never actually do it but every time I see him.... I get irrational rage.

There is precicely 0 chance of that Oscar not ending up in an orifice by the end of the week.

Lmaoooo that’s hilarious (I’m imagining that scene right now). How sad that he totally missed the point. I usually manage to get my point across, and you can totally tell from the look on my face when I’m being a snarky little shit. My level of DGAF has grown astronomically since I hit my 30s.

I know we’re not supposed to body-snark, but I’m not a fan of models who are so thin that their torsos start pixelating.

OK

The only Halsey who ever will matter:

It is strange to say that God loves you for who you are and accepts you and wants you to be happy and ALSO DON’T YOU DARE DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY OR GOD WILL CRY. If there is a God, these morality clauses for his/her acceptance did not come from him/her. My mom is pretty invested in her faith (Catholicism) and…

I feel so bad for the people who believe in God and carry guilt for not following archaic ideas of religion. Religion should be uplifting and positive, my heart breaks for everyone that puts themselves down because of strict religious interpretation.

You’re not — turn down the persecution complex, dweeb.

How many times do people need to be told that the inherent implication behind black lives matter IS all lives matter?!?!

Oh, shit. This is the most I’ve ever liked Zuckerberg. That third paragraph is quite succinct and effective.