I think this is a terribly unfair criticism of Drake. Sure he “said” it but he almost certainly didn’t write it.

As a penis owner, I fail to understand how one can actually pleasure oneself using a piece of cheap old corroded metal covered in road grime and carbon deposits without reducing one’s gentleman sausage to a lacerated, profusely bleeding mess. While maintaining an erection.

He said “so every other play didn’t end with a shredded ligament.” Why don't YOU try some reading comprehension?

The team would have to provide an explanation, and could be subject to discipline.

I bet Ryan will be really impressed with himself when he reads this.

Not the idiot we want, but the idiot we deserve.

Well, Lochte might not be a good representative of America, but at least he’s an accurate one.

+1 Thx Clint0bama.

B

wait, you think Brazil is the one looking bad here? lol ok

Police were already looking for the official, whom multiple witnesses described as being “all over” Michael Phelps.

Of course, that’s the Right Way™.

Goose Gossage would not tolerate such fun and amusing behavior. Baseball can’t be fun. Beating the guy with a broom until he’s unconscious would be better.

As a Bears fan... *cries*

Goodell was already suspicious of the Packers, given the frequency with which last year’s defensive players shit the bed.

It’s this kind of Minnesota Math that got the Vikings public money for their new stadium.

By the 12th game they’ll be so close to elimination that no one will kare.

He probably says it that way on purpose so nobody would confuse him as a grown man that spends waking hours contemplating pokemon...s.

least-productive writer who ever fucking lived