Police were already looking for the official, whom multiple witnesses described as being “all over” Michael Phelps.

Of course, that’s the Right Way™.

Goose Gossage would not tolerate such fun and amusing behavior. Baseball can’t be fun. Beating the guy with a broom until he’s unconscious would be better.

As a Bears fan... *cries*

Goodell was already suspicious of the Packers, given the frequency with which last year’s defensive players shit the bed.

It’s this kind of Minnesota Math that got the Vikings public money for their new stadium.

By the 12th game they’ll be so close to elimination that no one will kare.

He probably says it that way on purpose so nobody would confuse him as a grown man that spends waking hours contemplating pokemon...s.

least-productive writer who ever fucking lived

A history of oral with Manti Te’o’s girlfriend:

but his character made him that six-tool guy

Men’s Swimming Olympic Gold Medals since 1896:

And to think all of you pearlclutchers didn't even want them there in the first place.

Best thing....He gets to say “Diplomatic immunity”....

I’m your guy. I have 2 followers and my comments routinely get a star, sometimes even two. My spelling/grammar is horrendous and I react to constructive criticism with outward hostility and aggression. This doesn’t stop me from pursuing my favorite past time: calling people out when they make mistakes. Also, I’m…

orly

Well, I for one am shocked. I didn’t think we would hear a single story about anything being too secure in Rio this month.

It says a lot that, for just a second, I believed there was a bizarre murder in Hope Solo’s family that I’d forgotten about.

I guess the only difference here is that shitpile isn’t used figuratively.

It sure says a lot that despite the fact that her cousin murdered his dad with a light saber, she’s still regarded as the biggest asshole in the entire family.