Alternative:

1. Get up really early

That’s cause people here are pussies.

On the other side of the world, a butterfly in Botswana is cackling manically.

I call my sister randomly, yell “TOEPICK” at her and then hang up.

I’m sorry.

You are the reason there is so much non-decomposeable shit in our landfills. Do you throw away your lamps when the light bulbs burn out too?

Probably because they’re all total shit.

Wake up SHEEPLE!