Some of us are, in fact, old. And, we get to describe ourselves however we fucking want.

“...and the type of internet speech everyone should stop using. ”

I don’t think he sucks for being honest. I think he sucks for pressuring her into doing something she clearly did not want to.

This isn’t a news outlet.

Re: miserable…I was 6’1” tall by the time I was 12 years old. At age 11 I spent most of my time curled up in a fetal position on the floor wailing and writhing in pain because it felt like my bones were being broken every single day. My parents had no idea what was wrong and doctors says it was school-related anxiety…

LOL That’s all you got? A snapshot of a drag queen doing a death drop in what is clearly a dance routine? Do clutch those pearls!?
I’ve seen worse on WWE wrestling matches!

The lady doth protest too much! 

Picture of the girlfriend in question, but you wouldn’t know her anyway so...

Burn.

Keeping child abuse quiet for 3 years “for the sake of the children” what the entire fuck? 

Just buy her a boat. Her kids will literally live on the ocean.

Unfair comparison. Batboy has eyelashes.

You better hope Lea Michele doesn’t read this. 

Maybe they’re just soaking, which god doesn’t see of course.

Liar. At 29 weeks that fetus weighs about 2.5 pounds. So nowhere near what you are attempting to imply.

It’s kind of hard to notice in the write up, but the jury’s verdict was that Ms. Carroll did not provide sufficient evidence that Trump’s penis was inserted.

Hey look! John Stockton is in the grays!

How do I convince my wife that Pyro needs a new forever home with our family? 

Boebert is *exactly* the type of person you sort of knew in high school who you *have* to stay Facebook friends with because she’s nonstop drama, fights, 911 calls, text screenshots, etc.

$20 says the parody account is Musk himself. Past behavior and all that!

My impression of Greek life was always (and remains) “Oh, you’re really scared to be alone with your thoughts now that your high school posse isn’t around, huh?”