Thankfully retail is perfect. Right?  

Also be sure to ask if this is some sort of out of season April Fool’s joke.

And something something, somehow or another the nightclub ended up getting most of the tip money instead of the servers, amirite?

The reason it felt like eating sand is because most of the “ashes” are not actually ashes. After the burn is complete, the remaining bones are put into a grinder and the dust that is left is what makes up most of the ashes. They’re eating bone sand.

I’m a huge fan of Battlefield games, but I’ve never really been turned on by huge maps. I remember running around on one of their big maps in BF3's late DLC and feeling like I was chasing the action but never quite catching it. When I arrived where it was, it wasn’t.  

You must be a real joy at parties.

fuck you.

No you didn’t.

Can we get a very well curated GIF of the garlic shaking section? I need to see the method for garlic shaking for a prolonged period before I master the subject.

I’ll be honest I just looked at all the pictures.

This breaks my fucking heart right in half.

Oh come on you knew it was coming. Everyone reading this article knew what the ending was. Hell, everyone who only saw the article’s title knew how it ended.

Damn it I thought those were going to be haikus

“We can’t change our skin color”

This is the most heart breaking phrase. By saying it in this situation, it implies that changing skin color could be an option to resolve the situation. This thought should never have to cross someone’s mind. 

This article was fun to read in Trump’s voice for some reason.

As a person who has played neither game, I haven’t seen a video yet that shows how cities really are. Where’s the urban break down? Where’s the poverty? Where’s the trash?

As much as I’d love a beautiful model city that sits in the lobby of the billionaire investors office, I’d also really like to see a game show a…

Ladies in the comment, if you need I can help you determine which of the 8 you fall under.

A screen above the self check out lane shows a large and clear pre-taken picture of the produce item the customer is typing in and the weight in black bold letters. Got a melon on the scale and carrots show up on the screen? Attendant quite easily sees theft in progress.

I’m working on a recipe for this bowl food trend currently. Basically it’s a bowl shish kebab. What you do is you make shish kebabs and then you take all the food off the sticks and put it in a bowl.

Trendy rite?

I do a very particular and especially throaty laugh when people lay down TRUTH PAIN. I did that laugh.