@savedbypurplejesus: Nope, you can't. Next time in out east I'll make sure to.

@ithacabaron: Can you find that anywhere in the Midwest?

@ClintonPortishead: What are two testicles followed by a ball gag?

And to those who asked about the two emails I posted last night:

Evening friends. Just grabbed a sixer of hopslam and a four-pack of old rasputin...I'm a happy man. (Dr. Steve Brule...if you're here...our conversation last night sent me to the store with those two in mind. Almost settled on Avery's double IPA instead though.)

Boss: Hey David. Just wanted to thank you for your great work over the years. We thought about waiting to make this call later but figured you would probably like to stop watching the Orioles as quickly as possible.

To be fair, the Sun thought all the reporters and photographers went home during the short rain delay.

@TheOnlyNetsFan: Seconded. A number of people have walked by my desk and reacted horribly.

@alftime: That wouldn't be giving us that direction. TJack knows no other path.

[tr]

@savedbypurplejesus: and are those jorts?

Vacuum your floor. It is absolutely disgusting.

Female Coworker: That's a really bad bruise. I have really bad binocular fusion...so I'm really bad at softball and tennis and stuff.

Listen...just trust me. While I was in Africa they taught me how to do this for females too. They do it ALL THE TIME. It'll be fine...just a little snip.

I've never seen someone break up a fight more casually

Arm wrestler? Maybe, but I sure wouldn't want to try and neck wrestle her...just look at that fucking thing.

@X-tacle: We found the cure for AIDS! About $183,000 injected directly into the bloodstream

@MeAndChipperJones: Crazy with Hep C highlights

tj

@Chris Ethel Berman: I'm eagerly awaiting STEPHENA's exclusive sit down with ARod where they reveal SERENA ROBERTS IS A LYING WHORE!