a fanbase whose city is best known for one of the biggest choke-jobs in sports history,

I assume you were searching the shop for “Games that will lead to physical violence with my friends.”  

He was just trying to deprive the baby of oxygen so it might grow up to become a Steelers fan.

Right? Who would ever believe a New England Patriot is capable of murder?

that’s your main takeaway?

Geez, more like Brandon Downer, amirite? 

Western ‘03.  

I’m pulling for a Salmon-esque name myself. 

Nice! I say their first three games are played against the Canadiens to see who really won the 1919 Stanley Cup. Influenza be damned!

He actually resigned several weeks ago, but he didn’t think he had to report it to the school.

But she can do it backwards and in high heels.

“This is the day we have prepared for. Remember your training, do not get too close, keep the butter burgers coming and do not look him in the eye. May god have mercy on us all”

Mark Murphy: I’m sorry, Mike. We have to move on.

Does it hurt to be that stupid?

People are already saying shit like “well, it’s not like he “Ray Rice’d” her” and “it’s not that bad”. Because that’s pretty much the point the NFL is at right now. At least he didn’t do that. At least he didn’t brutally attack his pregnant girlfriend, or murder his girlfriend and then kill himself. Yeah, probably…

The other 4 are leaving due to the nylon bag they got 

Fun fact: every picture of McCarthy on Google image search looks like a man who just discovered that he accidentally clogged the shitter at a family function.

Letting Nazis scream at strangers unimpeded is kind of Twitter's thing.

The kid would be crazy NOT to go to LSU, especially after seeing Zack Mettenberger get drafted by the Memphis Express in the 4th round of the inaugural AAF draft - I had him slotted in the 6th or 7th round. What’s that? They only had 4 rounds? Yeah, but still....

*checks the greys, whistles*