Just about to turn 5. It was at the Clarks Green library in PA - we went there a few times a week, and it was my favorite place because my mom would let me run around in it alone. I had recently gotten permission to use the adult card catalog and, as it was nearly Christmas, I decided to find some grown-up books on…

If a movie is dark or whimsical in any way, it will use the Edward Scissorhands music. Every time.

I suppose, in a way, I am grateful I went to Catholic school. I didn't even see the gendered aspects of modesty-shaming until I was in college because our nuns would have rained the same terror down on boys who violated the dress code as girls.

2nd row men #1 and 2, 4th row man #2.

What with the makeover and the meeting her in a library, I'm getting a pretty strong Belle vibe from Elizabeth.

He looks like every ex boyfriend ever.

You fault the Ice Queen couture and compliment the Mormon lingerie? I do not get your taste, my friend.

I'm guessing Alice Eve is Nurse Chapel and the original press release lied.

At this point, the words 'Humane Society' make me cry.

The Thorazine voices everyone uses is so HGTV accurate it slays me.

Adulthood happens when your awareness of personal problems and areas for improvement or attitude adjestment don't interfere with your basic, overall okayness with yourself. End of story.

Did they just buy all the castoffs from T Shirt Hell back in 2001?

Since I'm guessing 'your' last name started out by being your father's, I think there's room for nuance here. Forcing someone to take a name they don't want is a dick move no matter what gender you are.

When the fiance and I started discussing things, I made one request. I wanted a ring. It could have been a Hello Kitty ring. But he had to make a plan to purchase jewelry, enact said plan, and give it to me with a formal question. I'd had two previous engagements which I thought were binding gentleman's/gentlewoman's…

I do.

Cue all the men rushing in to accuse Hugo and Jezebel of gender bias because this piece was about cheating MEN in 3...2...

It's definitely a huge component of female socialization.

In my experience, same-age wives who are invested in the 'cyclical inevitability' of men cheating with sexy young tail are so because it's really important to them to look back fondly on their days as sexy young tail.

In the same blog post, Gaiman mentioned he's currently living in a rented house in Cambridge. That's definitely punching distance from me if this thing isn't released in the U.S.

Dolphins are also pretty nasty critters, I'm just sayin.