I dont even think you should apologize for this as it is hilarious. Also your friends would be idiots for believing you given the truly terrible scope of the lie haha.

I’m sorry that I told all my friends that my parents were blacklisted during McCarthyism when I was 14. It doesn’t even make any sense, they weren’t even born yet and are regular people that are neither communists or entertainers. I’m an idiot.

Oh god you shopped at Abercrombie!!! The shame!!

You are missing the point. It is one thing to send emails to your intellectual crush, saying all sorts of pretentious goofy things you think sound smart. It is another for these two people (why do you keep forgetting about him?) to publish it, convinced it is high art. It’s a set of pretentious emails where each one…

Honestly? No.

YES. My boyfriend insists he doesn’t need sunscreen because he’s aged well so far. Sir, you are a blond haired, blue eyed white man who runs outside almost every day. One day you are going to wake up and realize you have transformed into a wrinkled leather bag.

She just barely fits in the 1/2+7 rule, which would peg his “lowest appropriate” age at 24.5. That said, I definitely think she has deliberately cultivated the “young woman” approach, whereas Hiddleston has been basking in the “I am a sexy and cultured bad guy” thing for the past few years (after the entire nerdy…

I kinda disagree. She's a very smart business woman and she knows the type of music that sells is upbeat pop music (no different than Katy Perry or Kelly Clarkson in my opinion).

Yes yes yes! Is he her oldest boyfriend to date? He’s baby making/ marrying age :D

She is their mother. What is she supposed to say? “Nah, it’s a vapid profession and I’m so ashamed my children have followed in my footsteps.”? Come off it.

Gabriel Kane Day-Lewis. The brows! The bones. Look at the bones!

What’s she supposed to say, exactly? She’s their mother! Even if she’s not proud of them, we’d all be calling her the devil if she gave an interview like, “yeah, I’m not really proud of them, they’re only getting anywhere because of my connections”.

Jude Law’s son!

What about Patrick Schwarzenegger

I have to give some props to both of them for giving their best Blue Steels while wearing clown pajamas.

“Here’s Gerber dressed as the captain of an unlicensed Brady Bunch-themed gay cruise illegally owned and operated by teens.”

Once you are raped, I mean a real rape, not a fake rape, you’ve got to wear a turtleneck, pants, and a poncho over all of that in perpetuity. How dare you show any skin. It’s like you’re just asking to be raped again! ugh. UGH!

Right?! What the fuck? How can someone going to a party a year after a gang rape be used against them? So, she wasn’t destroyed enough to stop attempting to have a normal life so fuck her and her case? This asshole.

No Mark, the worst story I ever read was that horrible movie you tricked your poor partner into going to with you. Your lucky he doesn't smother you in your sleep. It must be love.