I’ve been using my late husband’s left over clothing to make things for the dog.

I got charged $200 for STD testing because I was 28 and unmarried and thus ‘high risk’.

I understand that some people do make their living in retail. Cool. Awesome. Some people have the fortitude for that. I do not.

I ended up with a much better job as a clerk at a social work grad program. It was cataloguing all prior students. It was kind of mind numbing after a bit, but solitary and a lot of history geek fun.

I just sort of walked out astonished. Like what the heck, would you rather have me lie and say ‘yeah, sure I’ll be here for years....’ and then bail in August.

I work in a job that due to the crazy number of working parts keeps me on a very specific, very weird schedule that changes every day (I get it in the morning when I come in). My boss and coworkers do effectively know where I am at all times/can follow me throughout the day. It’s part of the shebang, so there it is…

Ugh, I ‘interviewed’ to work at Bed Bath and Beyond the summer before college because I needed a job. The dude I sat down with was PISSED at the idea that some 18 year old could only commit to the summer and it wasn’t worth his while to hire me because ‘you’d only just be figuring out how to use the register by the…

God I’m missing out on so much fun. Our East Coast sanctuary cities aren’t nearly that hoppin!

At one point Jeff asked me whether I’d rather have us divorce, or him die. At least with divorce, there would be an emotional finality. Even if the love was gone, I could be sure he would be happy at some point. The movement apart, away, makes sense.

I’m watching Babylon Berlin, because interwar Berlin is more fun. At least I can keep my German shiny while I’m not at work.

Thank you for your thoughts.

I’ve been finding that too. Jez has where I have found some of the wisest support of any given. It’s a nice, without commitment, as emotional as I want or don’t. People have been respectful, and without expectations.

I’m mourning the death of my recently deceased husband. I can’t also sit here and actively mourn the slow decay of our governmental institutions.

My mom went home tonight. Leaving the Buster Dog and I to watch Victoria by ourselves.

They are important. It needs to happen. I will be glad one day that I was there.

Ugh, that’s terrible. I’ve done everything in my power to avoid that happening, because it would be a distinct possibility. If you’re eating food and drink I paid for, I better as hell know you closely.

I have a friend who lost her father also to cancer about a month before I lost my husband. It’s been easier to talk to her about anything than it has to pretty much anyone else. My family is very typical WASPs, and stoicism is what we do. A coping strategy for sure, but generally not a good score for the long term.

They’ll be there and on hand to do exactly that. I limited receiving to less than a half hour, I limited the lunch to a finite number of people and plan on just placing them in a circle around me, like a wall.

I’m giving myself a month to myself before going back to my emotionally draining job where I barely get a half minute to myself in the day. So I can just fall apart. I was ok for the week. Now we’re into ‘poorly placed irrational regret’ part of the program, apparently. I mostly just sleep to avoid feeling.

I don’t want to go to my husband’s memorial service on Monday.