i have it on good authority that that baby has been fed a natural diet of candy corn and pillow mints from birth.

There is an urban myth that candy corn was only ever made once. Every year, candy companies retrieve from the trash all the candy corn that was thrown out, then repackaged it to sell next year.

As a candy aficionado, I appreciate your passion, (perhaps misplaced). But, you’re wrong about candy corn. It’s the perfect “in between seasons” candy. Not thick and sumptuous like chocolate, which is best enjoyed during cooler months, yet not light and fruity like Sour Patch Kids, which should be reserved for warmer…

pretend i am looking you in the eyes with both hands on your shoulders but we are a respectful but serious arm’s distance apart*

You can’t fool me, this is goat milk soap from some twee boutique in a resort town.

i read the first three words of the title and said ‘oh anna’s here’

I’m waiting for the pecan pie M&Ms with bated breath and mild horror but as a general rule of thumb Hersheys chocolate should be buried at a crossroads with a stake through its heart*

OMG OMG THIS IS MY HAND!!! MY HAND IS ON JEZEBEL GUYS MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!

Cool. Mysterious. Maybe even a little dangerous? The only fashion accessory anyone should ever need.

I mean... yes, kinda? Except that whole plot mainly revolved around the fact that his father (Bilbo Baggins!) was unethically serving as his therapist and putting him on tons of meds he never needed in the first place. So he didn’t actually have mental health issues.

I guess that makes me and anyone who loves this film and soundtrack a loser then? Fuck anyone who can’t just allow other people to love a film. You want to act as though Garden State is terrible? It’s not. Is it the end all be all greatest film of all time? It’s not that either. But to act as though it’s irredeemable…

this dude is having an EPIPHANY

They are, however, very light skinned. Which is again an interesting and relevant fact.

The high contrast/bright lights/whatever is the aesthetic of this photo makes it basically impossible to tell that Trevor Noah and Larry Wilmore are not white dudes.

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

I was way more of a smart-ass when I worked in a bookstore, since my manager was always job hunting and couldn’t have cared less. During the height of the “Twilight” craze, right when the last book and the first movie had been released, we were sent a metric ton of merch, including those SweetHearts chalk-flavored…

I would have replaced the missing head with hers, or at least hoped that the child’s ghost will haut her till the end of her days.