‘Please, save my leg!’

St. Louis Post-Dispatch headlines:

I’m sure the Best Fans In Baseball are taking the news with their usual grace and aplomb.

Since he is going on Sean Hannity’s show it sounds like he would rather cry with the sinners than laugh with the Saints 

Still better than going to a Mets game where people want to talk about the fucking Mets.

He was without doubt the best thing about Nats’ Park last night.

They did already, I think it’s called the SEC or something.

Did you really just ask why a young male athlete would want to go to UCLA (Westwood) instead of living in the state of Ohio or South Carolina?

During my senior year at boarding school during a dismal winter I urinated on a fellow student’s coat I was not on good terms to begin with. He had chucked my glasses in a garbage can during a spat and he wore the coat for three weeks. The person who snitched on me later got expelled and I watched him pack up his…

Sorry, Patrick, the correct title was “What is Alex Trebek Hilariously Shits On Jeopardy! Contestant And Her Whole Crew For No Reason”.

Best HMPL t-shirt:

I miss when you had to draw your sex organ and mail it across the country in the hopes that the horse drawn carriage pulling your mail across the rugged, undeveloped landscape becomes waylaid by a pack of female bandits who seize the mail, find your hand drawn sex organ, and eventually track you down because, my man,…

You wanna know how to succeed in life? Quit giving people the satisfaction of your reaction. Treat everyone you meet with kindness no matter how much they’ve wronged you. Be the bigger person. People are going to be assholes and there is not one single solitary thing you can do about it except for controlling yourself…

If he asked for 100 women and their cats he could have gotten them all from Jezebel.

If you’re truly a lifelong Caps fan, why are you commenting here instead of being dead from having shoved a pencil through your neck years ago?

My mom died two years ago and the best gift I ever gave her she never got. It was her eulogy. In the time since I have become a writer and to a degree her eulogy set me on that path. I always post this somewhere on Mother’s day and I’ll do it here today.

French horn and reed instruments are pretty pretentious, Marchman. Breath control is a bourgeois construct.

Theremin.

Whataburger trumps all of these jabroni joints.