I could come up with a business where I name horses from Crap My Family Have Left On My Desk.

I try to clean, but goddamn you have no idea how tiring it gets hauling around this penis all day.

GUYS! I am wearing a veil at my wedding, but this is just an excuse to say that I am wearing it TOMORROW! BECAUSE I AM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! WOAH!

That sounds fun! My post-wedding event will be a girl-bonding exercise where me and my five closest gal pals bury my husband’s body and clean up the crime scene. I’m thinking we’ll all shoot at him so we’ll never know for sure whose bullet did the killing and share equally in the blame (and maybe guilt? Have to wait…

Bangs back in the days

I’ve worn bangs off and on since my teens. No regrets.

i am childlike, sad, take forever straightening and thus further damaging my bleached bangs, and i think i look pretty damn cute. meh. *shrug*

I love bangs and they sometimes love me.

This article is dumb as hell. Have you ever heard of Anna Wintour? Angelica Huston? No? Well, here are my bangs. Look how sad and childish I am!

I love my bangs. I cut them with desk scissors.

I’ve had bangs for six years, but childlike and sad is the look I’m going for. (pro-tip: dry shampoo is a bangs lifesaver)

Counterpoint Exhibit 1 - I cut my own bangs a few weeks ago, because they cover at least two of my fivehead, and they look goddamned awesome.

In the event someone forgets the chips and salsa.

I did have a meet-cute, where my 4-year-old daughter was my wingman. So this is the story of how I met Mr. Bells. Now, you all know I am a heathen feminazi, so it will surprise you to hear that we met ... at church.

I’d love to have a peek at Tom Hiddleston’s Crimson Peak, but that’s because my interest is piqued, not peeked or peaked.

Oh no girl! So sorry to hear you’re having a tough time! If I cry within three hours of going to bed I wake up with enormous eyelids, and I cry all the time for basically no reason, so I’m pretty much an expert at this.
1. Lean your head wayyyyy back so your eyes are almost closed as you look in the mirror, place the…