I used to roll my eyes at J-Lo’s purported beauty regimen because it seemed to consist solely of face creams made of diamond chips and angel farts. She’s my age and she’s impossibly gorgeous, so now I’m all “ keep ffarting, you gassy angels!”

I know I shouldn’t give Scott a pass but he reminds me of one of my boyfriends from high school — a totally charming cokehead with too much money and absolutely no sense of personal responsibility.

Omg yes. My sister and I are disgusting and obsessed with that shit. Back in the day it was the highlight of a family get together to wait until grandpa was sloshed enough to let us pop his neck cysts

I probably should’ve made a new burner for this, but I doubt he reads Jez, so here goes:

I do not know if mine counts because I did not actually go on the date. I was stood up by a guy because before coming to pick me up, he got arrested for shop-lifting a toaster oven at K-Mart using the self-checkout machines.

I had a really horrible date once. The guy shared his fantasty with me of having me fist him in the parking lot of a McDonald’s and call him my bitch, he even suggested we go do that right now! We were in the car after having gone to see a movie, so I quickly got out of the car and ran back into the movie theater, and…

And since he’s moving from Florida, his left blinker will always be on.

I dunno, given that the heat index is going to be somewhere between 105 and 110 tomorrow, I have to say that I really love the idea of a dress that just lightly sits on my shoulders and touches no other part of my body. Some of these are even kind of cute. I said it.

Angels for Satan

Me rn :

She didn’t record that in California, did she? Because um ... hmm ... I hope she had Taylor’s permission to record.

I am going to see them in concert Saturday and I’m really excited.

Also, she’s not a garbage person. We love the “Garbage Person” ;) ;)

no problem! I’m so happy i want to tell EVERYONE

Well I have very not sensitive skin, but it didnt cause anything for me. It was red for maybe an hour after the treatment, then nothing. From what they told me it can cause blistering, but its super super rare and goes away quickly.

related, I recently had my first round of laser hair removal on my face and its AMAZING. like, should have done it years ago. my friend recommended a relatively cheap place she had been to and I went for it! highly recommend especially if you have dark hair and relatively light skin like I do. seriously, it’s even…

Interesting!! Im Mexican and super facially hairy. My Mexican grandmother is tall and light skinned so we always thought there must be a lot of Spanish blood in my family. Just another confirmation.

My dog straight up rolled her eyes.

No, if an Ugg boot filled with pumpkin spice latté was granted one wish, and it was to be a real human woman, she would date this guy. As for me, I wouldn’t touch any of these guys with someone else’s pussy.

My kids are part Mexican and Puerto Rican so I keep my eyes out for stuff they can identify with.