I have a recurring dream that I’m my actual age (early 30s) but I’m a freshman in college living in dorms with actual 18 year olds. Recurring nightmare is more apt.

I had to extract myself from a Facebook thread a couple days ago with a bunch of these types. I was the only POC and was doing my best to be polite, but I just can’t be responsible for trying to educate a bunch of white people who circled the wagons around an unintended racist comment. That shit was tiring.

I have yet to catch a Pikachu, but I’ve hatched three. Kinda feels like cheating to me though ha

I was picking fruit in my backyard yesterday and my dog REALLY wanted to help. He’s probably the only weiner dog in the world that has a history of climbing trees.

My sad news is that I just had to clean up at least ten pounds of fruit that fell off my trees and rotted :(

I was reading all these comments thinking about how I hold grudges against my own spouse for eating my food (yes it’s MINE). I would surely break some shit if a coworker stole my lunch.

I hate smoking weed, but the CBD gummies are delightful. Just enough to take the edge off. On the other hand, I accidentally had an edible with THC and I spent hours thinking I was going to die. I should have realized with the THC one bc it basically tasted like smoking weed smells.

Ok, duck is actually my favorite meat, but maybe only because I’ve only ever eaten it in Michelin starred restaurants (I worked service industry for over a decade, and took advantage of those connections).

When I was in college in Georgia, the front yard of a house I lived in wold turn into a cicada mating ground. So, I basically ran screaming to my car every day, crunching dozens of pairs of fucking bugs as a went.

I’m sorry Ms Jackson

PINK LIKE VAGINAS!!

Ughhhhh my lender fucked up some paperwork and our closing date was pushed back 5 days AFTER we already arranged everything to be out of our rental and into/on at the new house. So all our shit sat in a moving truck outside my parent’s (luckily in the same town) house.

My husband’s board shorts actually do have cargo pockets. He’s a monster.

I bartended at a few venues for a few years, and the way people treated those barriers is crazy. If the crowd was going to be mainly teenagers, when doors opened there were usually a few to run, trip, and fall face first into them. Also, I’m prrrrrretty sure that some Hanson fans peed themselves up there, bc they were…

Which is why my hair gets put into a topknot everyday, sometimes wet sometimes dry.

I saw Cara at Jimmy Kimmel last week (ETA two weeks ago, I have zero concept of time apparently) and I think my eyes turned into actual cartoon hearts.

I have a pair I LOVE that I got at Kohl’s for around 50 bucks. And it was double the 90s nostalgia because they are Candies brand.

She was on the show Laguna Beach before The Hills, which was billed as a “real” version of the tv show The OC. So they followed around rich high school kids in southern California. That one I think, yes, she did audition for. That was successful, so they made The Hills as a spin-off following her to LA.

I was in LA this week and it was SO HOT. Pretty much all people could make out of my shape was my shoulders and calves. I’m all about that nightgown dress life.

Ok so that made me gag, but is also hilarious. Drunk grandpa!!