Wait, what? He is one of the BEST celebrity car owners! You're drunk, go home.

Justin. Beiber.

LOL at the "Spoiler Alert!" in the middle of the article, but not in the headline. I don't watch this show so I don't care, but I bet some people are steamed.

Five-hundred twenty-five thousand six-hundred weiners! Five-hundred twenty-five thousand gallons of lube...

Assuming an average penis length of 5.5 inches (the first number I found (I'm not going to try that hard)) that is .87 miles of penis. She would need 1500 more men for a mile of dong.

I don't believe her.

My three year old upon seeing this, "I WANT ONE THOSE COWS!"

Your #NiceGuy tears nourishes me, please keep going.

Yeah! And it needs a carburetor too!

So, because of an attempted assassination of a political figure in another country, it's okay for you to creep on a stranger? By that logic, I can run you over with a '76 Jeep Cherokee, because...drone strikes?

You can't tell me our love is wrong!

I wish I had a boyfriend and 19 cabbage patch dolls to hold in my arms as I kissed him.

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Your puzzler answers and condolences can be sent written on the back of the signed title of a 1972 Charger with Factory Equipped 318 CID V8, Torque-Flite 3-Speed Automatic Transmission, Green and White Plaid Interior, Hide Away Headlights, Vinyl Top, A/C, AM/FM Radio, Power Brakes, Power Steering, Tilt Wheel and…

Services will be held at the Dewey, Cheetham and Howe Funeral Home.

I can claim no understanding of how my gender thinks this to be appropriate.

Oh, thank God. From the headline, I thought she'd shit herself during the act of coitus.