Holy shit I'm tired.

I'm thrilled to announce that I'm leaving Vox and joining Gawker Media's Politburo as House Kitty!

[Eight months pass.]

And so I'm thrilled to announce that starting Monday I'll be joining Vox as their in-house Cat Explainer.

Generally, when a Gawker Media luminary runs out of gas, he or she is either hired by a desperate competitor or promoted.

There are way more of these posts than I'd expected.

(Whichever scene from Event Horizon you're thinking of—it's that scene.)

Being stuck in a bathroom with Tommy Craggs is like that scene in Event Horizon.

OK, this is just confusing.

What you want to avoid at all costs is the thing where you're in the bathroom and he goes in the bathroom and you don't get out in time.

(Of course, the view from the ceiling was often substantially worse.)

At those moments, I can, like all cats, disassociate from my own body and float up to the ceiling, where nothing and no one can harm me.

When he comes home and puts on John Coltrane and Johnny Hartman—those nights are the worst.

Things awesome and terrible to behold.

I have seen things you would not believe.

Fuck this guy.