The baby will just be crying for those ten minutes, nonstop. A baby’s needs and its wants are the same thing. Crying is their only form of communication, and they don’t understand waiting because they don’t understand time. So the baby won't starve, but you can't explain that to him, because he's a baby.

I would literally cry if someone stole my Diet Coke and there wasn't at least one other (COLD) one in the fridge. Lunch theft and fucking with someone's caffeine are equally serious felonies.

side note, but who else totally forget that paul rudd was paris?!

Yes. That is it exactly. He looks like the saltiest, sea-dogged three year old.

Derp. I’m also a stupid bitch!

Now i know what a Hillary presidency will do. The White House walls will be stained red. In cabinet meetings, men will stay silent out of fear of being mocked and ignored. Their penises will remain flaccid for next 4 to 8 years.

I’m dying. This was very well done, for a man.

Totally misread the first part of this and thought the photo was Adrien Grenier using a juicer while naked. V disappointed.

“this is a picture of my face”

Seems a little weird/creepy to me.

The Rock is the one my grandmother likes.

This sounds like my worst nightmare. Here’s some gluten-free artwork you can at least enjoy.

Every three months I clean out my wardrobe. I keep something maybe six months.

It has some good parts. This is the scene I always remember.

In that photo, I see her holding a great big chocolate bar with “Body Mass Index” on it.

I figured that was happening. Swift usually builds up PR for her album releases with parties, hints, etc well in advance of release, and she hasn’t done that. In fact, her most recent interviews made it seem like she’s taking it easier, resting on her laurels a bit after a successful tour and release (at the end of a…

I WILL WILL THEM INTO EXISTENCE LIKE A TULPA