Can you ask Tara Jacoby if I can use that as a real invitation card?

I always make bacon-wrapped cheese-stuffed dates by the tray-full for parties because I can literally eat those for three meals a day for weeks.

My fiance and I are getting married in 5 days in the seychelles islands. No family, no headache, no pathological family members who so hate thir own life that they have such GRAND advice for how we should live ours. NO brothers hanging out wondering what TV station has FOX news so they can blames WHORES who…

Clone dance party!

That Facebook post makes it sound like they really, really want you to believe that he was accidentally given a pool noodle in place of a cane. Like it's just one of those wacky things that happens. This is some bullshit.

Sure. I find it funny and ridiculous and worth skewering in terms of what it means in the labor economy — but I don't find it personally annoying or offensive either.

But on the other side I think the Bible goes into pretty specific detail as to whether or not abortion is ok if the mother is being kept alive via technology that will be invented 2,000 years in the future. It's just after the chapter about Internet porn but before the "Hey jagoffs, stop calling people 'bae" sermon

Huge historical female royalty nerd here...this was such a great piece that you obviously worked very hard on. Well done!

We told him that the fireworks made it unsafe for the Tooth Fairy to fly. Nobody wants the Tooth Fairy getting blown to smithereens.

One of mine lost a tooth on the 4th of July. Who can remember to do the Tooth Fairy after a night full of celebrating America? We told him that the fireworks made it unsafe for the Tooth Fairy to fly. Nobody wants the Tooth Fairy getting blown to smithereens.

Sugar booger....lmfao!!

I honestly don't remember if I told anyone else. I'm all about the Santa free house (fun fact, my SO is also Jewish and neither of us is religious). I don't understand the point of Santa, really. It seems weird to put so much effort into fun traditions only to give all the credit to a phantom (perhaps this explains…

My friend's son (age 6), has asked Santa for toys that don't really exist as a test because he is already suspicious.

I got $20 a tooth.

Jennifer needs to get in touch with the Tooth Removal and Disposal Union. Her tooth fairy is probably drunk on the the job or some shit.

My sister figured out that Santa and the Easter bunny weren't real by comparing the letters both of them left for her and realizing that the handwriting was the same. She grew up to be a lawyer.

One time, I forgot, and my daughter was devastated. She was still in bed, and I told her I had to go potty. I got one of the dollar coins I used for the occasion and came back. I had it in my hand. I pretended to look behind her bed, and told her she came and it dropped behind her bed. Little sugar booger totally…

Your SO sounds like he would grow up to be a holy terror, and I mean that as a compliment. That's a teeny tiny bad motherfucker right there.

Man, I would not have dreamed of this as a kid, I really liked the whimsy of the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, etc. Of course, my local Tooth Fairy was also prompt.

I absolutely love that a child young enough to still believe in the tooth fairly can be so accomplished in throwing shade.