Getting drunk AT the sporting event? Who am I, Rockefeller?

First thing’s first: A new class for the youngsters on how to act like a real major leaguer on and off the field. It’s called “Getting Right In Training & Temperament and Instituting Nostalgic Emotions Stoically and Successfully.”

When he briefly played for the Mariners he was absolutely terrible and my friend called him Scott Pussydick. I can not read his last name without pronouncing it as “Pussydick.”

Putting the White back in White Sox.

Except we all know that’s not how it plays out. Minorities with ccw permits will get arrested- it already happens with open carry. Cops will say “she was reaching for that gun” no matter how inaccessible it was.

In the timeless words of Baldwin, “I am terrified at the moral apathy in my country... These people have deluded themselves for so long they really don’t think I’m human.”

Hey… Before you judge him, you should goose-step a mile in his jackboots!

This is the first post I’ve ever written about Tim Tebow.

The way he throws in the “like” like a teenager. “He like, ‘likes me,’ but like, does he like, ‘like me like me?’”

No, in fact I am a well-respected filmmaker. In fact, I once did a documentary on online trolls.

You’d probably hate it, though, bc it doesn’t paint you in a good light.

Tebow, by contrast, looks exactly like someone who learned how to hit by looking really intensely at a pile of baseball cards and working backwards from there.

“Fifteen pieces of flair is the MINIMUM.”

You forgot to bash Bernie Bros for costing the Dems the election : (

Well, despite all arguments to the contrary, it basically boils down to the one theme, right? The differences are minimal, when it comes to the actual functioning of the system, because the first thing ANY first time elected official wants to do is secure a second term, which takes money, favors, and fawning to those…

Hamno, you cranked this fucker right out of the park

I just realized that Grand Theft Auto and The Price Is Right use the same font.

This is why I’ve never dated a Khardashian