Like, 13 years ago, I got arrested for "borrowing" an RV that was for sale in my neighbors yard. He had left the keys in the ignition. My pal and I (totally sober btw) decided to take it for a spin around the block. When we got back the cops were waiting for us. My neighbor didn't press charges. He actually kinda…

You are my hero.

I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.

Oh god

When I was in college, my roommate and I went to some Halloween party with a girl from our dorm. The next morning, she comes walking up to the common area still in her eighties-prom outfit. We asked her where she ended up staying the night...she lifts up her dress to reveal her yellow thighs and says "Bart Simpson…

And this is how I picture RA Kirk.

Smoking weed with Kathy Bates, Susan Sarandon, and Melissa McCarthy sounds like a goddamn dream come true.

I love that family more than I love my own.

Oh we aren't going to show the best celeb family picture? Fine, I'll do it

I'm a huge Gaga fan, and about 10 years older than the group of kids I go to concerts with. They're lovely and all, but they really do think the world centers around teenagers. It's hilarious. I was eating in a diner post show with a whole table-full of them once and they were discussing movies, and Goosebumps came…

R.L. Stine wrote words to me.

First, really excited my story got picked!

We have the best political cartoonists in the world, man.

Baby Halloween costume thread! Here's my Mini-Pie as Boo:

Interesting context from a woman in Canadian media, highly recommend reading this: http://www.nothinginwinnipeg.com/2014/10/do-you-know-about-jian/

"Then I would be devastating. I'd know exactly how to please a woman, I'd know exactly where to put my fingers, where to put my tongue, where to put my – his I should say – his fingers, his tongue. Think about violinists, think about what they can do with their fingers."

Until recently I did not find this man attractive. I honestly don't know what is happening to me.

Call me a snob, but when I die, I demand cold brew at the very least.