Love the glove. “Look, it says in contract I provide ‘support’ for photo, but no skin to skin contact.”

Their goalposts are moving back so fast, you can barely see them on the horizon. About what I expected - when Biden is inaugurated tonight and starts his first day tomorrow, they’ll just claim that he and Trump secretly traded faces, or Biden’s a hologram, or Trump had to leave the White House so he could lead the…

I’ll admit, I just don’t understand the eleven-dimensional chess that Trump is playing.

“You are amazing people,” President Trump said before a largely maskless crowd

I think we can be confident that of all the things he’s done--put kids in cages, surround himself with Nazis, let 400,000 people die--the only thing he actually regrets is not being able to cheat his way to re-election.

Is she . . . smiling?

Good riddance you unbelievable, unredeemable bag of shit. Fuck you forever

This is why I make a point not to pay too much mind to Coulter and other similar people. I don’t think they have any ideology, they just say whatever makes them the most money at this moment.

“Too Floppy and Too Stiff" sounds like the title of a Goldilocks porn parody.

He should have used a cooler name, like “Carlos Danger”.

I still believe American Hitler will book for Russia and seek asylum. His ass has to hanging out on so many state-level crimes—tax evasion, insurance fraud—that he knows will be exposed in his now-releasable tax returns, AH won’t stick around to be charged. ‘Better to be Putin’s bitch’ will be his thought process.

Because people are spending $120.00 on five dollar pillows.

Let’s just say what we’re all thinking: for anyone more than casually aware of the types of (consensual) kink that are out there, the most embarrassing thing about this is that Armie had an account titled @el_destructo_86 . Even your run-of-the-mill edgelord has to cringe.

“Rabbit holing” is a thing too.

This dude made himself rich selling overhyped mediocre pillows and he’s really going to give it all up so he can be loyal to a guy who would/will sell him out in a heartbeat at the very first opportunity. Truly incredible.

Billy Vera renews his 1987 pledge to subtract twenty years from his life, and fall down on his knees in order to kiss the ground that she walks on.

Our captains of industry are not intelligent, they are just cunning. That’s all you need in the current capitalist hegemony. Cunning.

I’m sorry Miss Cayman. I am sooo weeiirrd.

In further news, singer Billy Ocean has publicly apologized to a Carribean Queen for assuming that they share the same dream.

My Things Armie Hammer is Gonna Apologize For This Week bingo card definitely did not have “besmirching the honor of a Caribbean island’s beauty queen” on it.