I could never rise to Monica Lewinsky’s level of magnanimity.

Don’t let the door hit you in the coffin on the way out.

And hey, that’s all that matters! Way to be human. 

Read the room you fucking insensitive moron.

Maybe you should stop writing compliments -- you’re bad at it.

I prefer the Karen Coalition. They vow to speak to as many managers as it takes to make sure everyone else is as miserable as they are. 

One Million Moms, a.k.a. Two Broads in a Basement.

Yeah, that’s definitely a picture of a sunbathing asshole.

Luckily for us, there’s no chance of this happening. Solely because his map doesn’t have New Zealand on it.

No, he does not look like a cat...

It IS your fault!  You should have been sitting there existing.  Take some responsibility, you know?

Remember ladies, no matter whatever happens to us it’s always OUR fault! Even murder!

“according to pathology experts, it would have taken five to ten minutes to strangle her”

I cared for my husband through almost five years of staving off stage four cancer. He died in my arms weighing less than ninety pounds and repeating “help me oh please help me” until everything but his heart and breathing shut down. I tell everyone that his last word was SHIT! because I can’t bear to tell them the…

ears? you’re doing it all wrong!  

“And that, children, is how boys are made.”

I have yet to see one of these “master race” guys who look anywhere fucking close to my conception of an ideal human being. I mean if Liz Hurley claimed to be part of a genetically elite super race I’d be like “That sounds about right”.

They announced the Baghdadi killing that morning. He was crowing about how that was bigger than the Bin Laden killing. You know he expected a hero’s welcome, like Bush at the 2001 World Series. In fact, I’m sure he expects a full on Trump rally where ever he goes. The fact that he got greeted with boos was so, so,…

The vibe in general I get from Ivanka is “Shiv, but Stupid”

Really? My husband is such a pain baby. ANY little pain and he’ll fret about it. I’m so used to having sore tits, some aching in my ovaries at times, aches in my back at times, sore feet, my left hip, etc. I just figure that’s part of being alive. Whereas he views pain as a sign of something potentially serious. I…