WELCOME TO MY BOAT!

On my 33rd birthday, my mother - who is disabled, and was living with me as her sole caregiver at the time - gave me a birthday card that outlined her great disappointment in “how [I] turned out.” I kept it as a reminder of how far the pendulum swings.

This argument comes around annually and - hey, it was 80º today! - so it’s time for the “how could you?!” vs. “science says...” battle. (For the record, I’m on the “science says...” side because really? Everyone has those days in which the most important person/thing in their lives is forgotten, if momentarily.) No…

I’m trying to remember “that first time,” and I kinda honestly don’t. I had the benefit of growing up with two male cousins who were about 10-14 years older than I was, who played on their small-town Alabama high school football team - to give you an idea of the kind of pull they had with the ladies. I’m positive they…

“The city has paid about $5.7 million since 2011 over lawsuits claiming that police officers brazenly beat up alleged suspects. One hidden cost: The perception that officers are violent can poison the relationship between residents and police.”

I ended up graduating on time - since I’d been going to school year around anyway, I figured why change? So I made up for it in succeeding summers and nearly graduated with a double major... Until econometrics. I didn’t want the econ degree bad enough to withstand the torture of all the foreign accents and inability…

A kid in my senior class was there for a second go-’round at senior year, because he and his parents recognized he wasn’t ready to leave for college. I begged, begged and begged my mother for an additional year at home - I was prepared to work, go to classes part-time at whatever community college she picked, anything…

And you all-capped “super duper,” after using it in the first place. I guess we’re even.

Feign? No, I’m actually surprised by the level of vitrol leveled against the folks who swooped in to take advantage of what is clearly a hungry market. Surprised and amused, always amused by the American consumer and the level of insult they take at someone else having what they have or want.

are you... are you serious? because this is essentially the capitalist way.

SCIENCE!

Weird: I lost my taste for shellfish altogether in my late 20s. Can’t stand it any more, and I used to eat all of it. Not sure what happened... And I wasn’t put off by a bad experience. That’d be understandable.

Don’t have to imagine - lived it. Dad had a long-term girlfriend who was 6 months older than I was. She always tried to provide “motherly advice,” until I broke it to her that, since we were peers and everything, she needed to STFU and mind her business.

Life saver. Overrule your wife (secretly, if you have to), tuck it in the back of the closet and when your Mini gets her/his first cold... SUCK THAT SNOT RIGHT OUT.

Off Cat Island in the Bahamas, our guide found a rock in the shallows, with a black and white... thing attached to it. He pried the thing off with his knife, stabbed it, and cut those of us willing to try it a slice. I'd say it had the consistency of octopus and it didn't taste like much, other than seawater.

I go the Thug Kitchen route.

Ha! That came and went in early February: Debt relief.

Strategize. I knew I wouldn't be able to be on top of every class all the time, so I set up a schedule of "participation." (Note: Law school.) I'd thoroughly prep for a couple of classes per week, and participate by raising my hand, answering questions, contributing to the discussion (blah blah blah) in those specific…

Court stenographers can make BANK.