This should be a tournament bracket. Deadspin hasn’t done one of those in years.

Great news for people who hate doing dishes: if you have a dishwasher, washing your dishes by hand is a colossal waste of water, energy, time, and money, and you can prove it with math.

Tuba Lube would kill to be as accomplished as Michelle Obama. All this spermburping jerk has done is be blonde and racist. 

I want to give so many stars for this.

Take a look at the number of likes in that tweet and you’ve got 31.5 k reasons to get out and vote in six weeks.

Bitch.... Michelle O accomplished more in her life BEFORE she became first lady than you and your whole tornado bait trailer trash family have ever even read about. Double Ivy League Graduate. Lawyer. Hospital Administrator. Mother. Go getter. Accomplisher of many things, not the least of which is to be married to a…

You ever been to Pornhub?  Wth all those ads, plenty of sponsorship opportunity there. 

Makes sense: nothing says “family values” like brutal violence, repetitive head trauma, and domestic abuse.

He looks like the Wizards’ offseason. 

Zach Lavine won back-to-back slam dunk contests in 2015-16. What more does the man have to do to deserve a max contract??

No.

In fairness the Hefty Lefty was without a doubt a first round nickname

What’s the difference between Mayfiend and Jackson, besides that Jackson was better on a worse team...HMMMMMMMMMMMMM

He also thought Jared Lorenzen had too chiseled a physique.

I’m an embarrassed Sox fan — Jones comes across as all class. I’m sure Schilling will take these words, make himself into the truly aggrieved party, then make a Pocahontas joke.

I eagerly await Schilling’s calm, respectful, measured response....

He’s never been IN the black either.

Tony, if you are reading this, hear me out... how about the Mets?

Will somebody stop the damn match?!

Seemed more like “Kawhi Gets Admonished by Pop, Responds with Massive Dunk”