In a general sense, it’s abhorrent that someone could commit this crime and not automatically get life without parole. But I have a feeling that any parole board 25 years from now would take one look at the crimes and slam the “rejected” stamp on his application so hard it would break the table in half.

That was the weirdest press conference I’ve ever seen outside of the context of a gay sex scandal from a family values candidate.

And when the judge won’t let you get past “Your Honor, if....”???

This might be the greatest way to start my weekend. That’s it. I’m turning off my computer and leaving 1 hour and 39 minutes early because of this.

Counterpoint for this person:

I am very concerned about the wage gap which clearly exists between me and Jennifer Lawrence.

“He stresses that his family members were legal immigrants.”

What I would give to have FLOTUS in my contacts with Hail to the Chief as her ringtone.

Uh oh. I accidentally saw an email last night that my cat sent to this photgrapher setting up a special photography session with his wonderful owner NEXT WEEK.

I’m probably being a huge asshole but I have trouble understanding how the non-custodial parents not paying child support are the victims here.

I have little faith that my boyfriend would actually get me the correct tampons I use (green o.b.s, only green o.b.s NO MULTIPACKS), but I know he would at least do it and maybe get close.

no

Maybe I am a terrible person, because I still finds this hilarious.

I'll hold on to the belief that he won't remember this and enjoy the schadenfreude.

This would be deliciously funny if an innocent kid hadn’t been scarred for life. Fuuuck. Guessing the authorities chalk this up to an accident as per usual.

Bette is funny, Kim is not.

I’m 100% sure she did not get the joke.

“...his genitals came flying out of his shorts while trying to beat five seconds.”

I like this woman’s approach; if they want Big Government sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If they’re gonna govern by Sharia, let’s be equally absurd and draconian for both sexes.