Fuck, you know what? I totally forgot about that stabbing thing. That was before I really watched basketball. But he was a huge asshole for the last 5 or 6 years.

No matter how great his career may have been, I will never forget Paul Pierce’s phantom wheelchair injury in the ‘08 Finals. Like, seriously, what the fuck happened?

This is a segment from last night’s NBA broadcast on TNT, in which Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Glen Davis, and Rajon Rondo lay out why they are still angry at Allen, all these years later.

Sources say that the Magic really want him, but that Bird is unlikely to head south until this Winter.

Ahh...upon further inspection, I get it now. Too little sleep and not enough coffee yet this morning. That is actually a quality joke. My humblest apologies.

If you’re gonna comment on a joke, make sure you realize it’s a joke.

Everything you said was rendered irrelevant when you called Hoosiers a bad sports movie. Two academy award nominations, AFIs fourth best sports film of all time, 88% on Rotten Tomatoes, Gene Hackman, Barbara Hershey, Dennis Hopper. You’re letting your partisanship cloud your judgement. Hoosiers is a great sports…

You created an account just for this weak ass take? Talk about bush league.

Why were the Raptors trying to score with 10 seconds left? They were down 15. Dribble it out. You’re going to lose anyway. But somehow losing by 17 is worse than losing by 15? How about not getting your ass beat in the first place?

The Raptors were down by 15 with 10 seconds to go and they try and cut it to 13 instead of dribbling it out and losing with some dignity. Fucking disgraceful!

Goddammit NBA, let me enjoy a few more years before you turn into fucking MLB and I have to start watching soccer or some shit.

Hey, serious question, what do you call a bunch of people taking a day off to see a parade cheering a guy chanting “no days off!”? Is that irony, or something else?

In all fairness, I think everyone in Atlanta is showing up to work drunk nowadays.

Your dad would be proud at what an insufferable fuck you’ve grown into. Good to know you’re the only person who’s ever suffered loss in the world.

And no matter how many times Seth Curry pushed the reset button, he kept coming back as Seth Curry.

Mrs. Buttersworth goes in the pantry because she knows what she did.

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I am humbled and gratified that this comment received 2,500 stars.

Either that, or I’m a cytopathologist who recognizes that cutting funding to Planned Parenthood has consequences beyond fewer abortions.

Aww...How adorable. You can tell he’s having little Billy dreams about throwing Surface tablets and murdering transients in his basement.