“To a certain extent you missed the point by asking that question, however, I understand that within that question is your desire to be black.”

Don't feed the trolls!

Trump’s face always resembles Garfield after he’s just broken a lamp and eaten an entire pan of lasagna.

Pretty sure the thought/trauma of someone sticking a needle into my clit, would be enough to stop me from having an orgasm ever again.

So you equate male nudity with violence against women.

“I regret saying ‘half’—that was wrong,” Clinton said.

PLEASE GOD LET THE KATIE HOLMES THING BE TRUE

So asking about how she’s an advocate means that you then pick apart how she described her advocacy because she may not have used the ‘correct’ tone or terminology and she talked too much about herself? This is why people who come from a place of privilege (through money, gender, race, or orientation and/or all those…

Is it self-aggrandizing? Sure, perhaps a little bit. But she’s answering a question; she was *specifically asked* about it.

I feel like she is genuinely saying all of these things from a place of love and not in a humblebrag way whatsoever. Seriously. She just seems like one of the best humans to ever grace this earth.

Man, fuck that dude.

You might say she’s tough as... nails.

You’d think solar experts would know from shade.

She captured the attention (and hearts) of every teen who didn’t feel normal enough in She’s All That, Can’t Hardly Wait, and The Faculty, and maintained that always-captivating presence on the periphery in movies like Girl Interrupted, Identity, and the 2012 Oscar winner for Best Picture, Argo.

Oh gosh, sorry, I hope it didn’t come across like ‘The Toast did it first, you HACKS!’, I just thought people might like to read The Toast one as well because I enjoy Mallory Ortberg a lot.

Um, maybe because fathers are still publishing these masturbatory, self-congratulatory essays in earnest?

No. He’s lovely and charming and funny and the hotness. Also, Canadian.

Is anyone else having this problem viewing Tweet Beat on an iPhone: